Talking to Teens About Therapy: Five Tips for Parents
As a parent, I completely understand the impulse to want to “fix” things for your teen. As a teen therapist, I know how badly this can backfire. Teens are hard-wired to rebel and push back. So the more we as adults try to push an agenda, the quicker teens will shut down. I’ve learned in my work with high school students over the years, the most effective way to engage them in therapy is to give them as much privacy as possible. Yes, there are legal limits to confidentiality with minors, but without teens feeling like they have a space that’s truly their own, therapy will not be effective.
If you feel like your teen might be experiencing anxiety, depression, or some other mental health issue, you’ve probably considered seeking a teen therapist. You might feel your teen would benefit from therapy but you worry they’d be resistant to the idea. Many teens may not talk with their parents about what they’re feeling but with some encouragement and support, they’re often relieved to have a space to talk. Here are some tips on how to approach your teen about starting therapy.
Start with yourself: Before you ask your teen to consider therapy, evaluate how you’re getting support for yourself. Do you need or want therapy for yourself? Are you in therapy already and did you experience any fears or hesitation before starting? Sharing how you got through your own fears about therapy could be helpful for them to hear. Also make it clear that this is a family issue and that your teen won’t be alone in working on getting better. For teen therapy to be effective, it’s important for everyone in the family, especially parents to look at their part issues that come up and the steps they can take to support their child through the process.
Let them lead: Your teen probably has an idea of the kind of therapist they’d like to talk to. Or at least they may know who they absolutely don’t want to talk to. You can gather some names of potential therapists you know specialize in working with teens. After that, let them read through the profiles or websites and see who they connect with. Make sure you allow them to speak for themselves in the free consultation with the therapist. This will help make it clear, from the start, that the agenda and goals for therapy will be led by them, with the support and guidance of their therapist and you.
Verbalize their right to privacy: Let them know that you’re encouraging them to go to therapy because you feel concerned about them. However, let them know that how they decide to use therapy is completely up to them. Once they start therapy, keep allowing them that confidential space. If your teen sees the therapist via telehealth, make sure they have a completely private space. When I work with teens, after meeting with the parents and teen as a part of an initial intake assessment, I focus on meeting one on one with the teen for at least 4 sessions. I encourage parents to reach out at any time with concerns, while also allowing their teen to develop comfort with me, on their own. After a solid relationship has been built with me and the teen, we collaborate on ways to bring in their parent(s) to the sessions in ways that will best support them and their continued growth.
Balance being patient with taking their condition seriously: Your teen may not agree to therapy after the first conversation. Give them time to process it. If you have major concerns about their safety or it’s reaching a crisis point, let them know you’re choosing to bring them to therapy because you love them and want them to be safe. Reiterate the space will be theirs to use and you won’t interfere or push your own agenda. Don’t hesitate to reach out to crisis support in your area if you feel their needs are urgent or life-threatening. Check out Massachusetts Behavioral Health Helpline to find crisis support in your area. If you live in Berkshire County, you can contact the 24-hour Crisis Hotline at 1-800-252-0227
Trust that checking in makes a difference: Often teens don’t share what’s going on for fear of upsetting their parents. They may feel relief that you notice they’re struggling and start the conversation about getting help. Even if they don’t immediately accept help, beginning the conversation is important. It communicates that you won’t judge them and normalizes talking about mental health. Without a doubt, trust that opening the door for them to talk when they’re ready will have an impact.
If your teen is ready to begin online therapy, reach out to schedule a free consultation. If you live in the Great Barrington or Berkshire County area, you can also contact me about in-person sessions or teen therapy groups.
