Is my teen stressed out or is it anxiety?
It’s normal to feel some stress and worry about school. There is so much to deal with in high school! From homework and tests to the pressures that come with changing friendships and social expectations. Then there are things that teens might worry about beyond the classroom. Maybe there’s a lot of stress in your family or they’re dealing with trying to balance school work and a job. And let’s not even get started on the stress and pressures of college applications. Anyone who said that being a teen was easy and carefree clearly has amnesia.
So how do you know when your teen’s worry and stress goes beyond what’s typical? When does a little worry turn into full-blown anxiety? Put simply, anxiety is when we overestimate the dangers of a situation and underestimate or ability to handle it. When you’re anxious, you also may find yourself jumping to worst-case scenario thinking. What might start as a simple thought like, “I’m worried I might not pass this test on Friday,” turns into a spiral of thoughts leading to the conclusion, “I’ll never get into any college and I’ll live at home with my parents forever.”
Anxiety is also a physical experience. If your teen is experiencing anxiety they may feel physically agitated or notice that their heart starts beating faster, seemingly out of nowhere. Some people experience nausea or changes in appetite. If your teen is complaining of physical symptoms, first check this out with their pediatrician. If medical causes are ruled out, they may be experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety. These physical sensations are the body’s way of communicating that there’s a danger and to begin activating your fight, flight, or freeze response. Your body doesn’t know that a chemistry exam is not a physical danger, but it will respond the same way as if you have to run from a tiger. Obviously, this is not an ideal or pleasant experience!
So what do you do if you if you realize your teen may have anxiety? Help them by walking through some of these steps. You may be experiencing anxiety yourself, so you can model for your teen how to deal with it by talking through these steps together.
First: name it. Say to yourself, “I’m noticing a lot of anxious thoughts.” When we name what we’re experiencing as an anxiety, it can help us pause and start to slow down the spiraling thoughts in our head. By naming the story in our head, we realize these are thoughts, rather than facts.
Check in with what you’re feeling. One of the best ways to help anxiety pass is to get present and check in with our bodies. As we established, anxiety is often physical. Maybe your heart is racing a little bit or you feel a tightness in your chest. Noticing our physical responses to anxiety allows us to feel it and then let it pass. It can feel scary, but it will not hurt you, I promise! Your body may be reacting as if it’s in danger, but noticing that this is just a physical reaction to anxiety helps remind you that you are safe. Once you’ve noticed the sensations, you may take some time to breath into that, focusing on breathing in through your nose, deeply into your belly, and exhaling through the mouth. Here’s a helpful video that walks you through deep belly breathing.
Take action and then let it go. What is one step you could take that would help you feel a little more control over this situation? Take that step. Make the call to a friend to help you study. Ask your parent to help you plan a visit to a college you’re interested in. After you take that action, choose an activity that connects you to something you love and makes you feel good. Go hang out with your friends, watch a funny video, pet your dog, or listen to your favorite song.
You may have to repeat these steps again and again. With more practice and awareness, you’ll start to truly believe in your ability to handle whatever comes your way. You’ve got this. If it still feels like too much, you and your teen don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to Rachel for a conversation about how therapy might help your teen overcome your anxiety.
