7 Things To Know About Anxiety and Early Parenthood:

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my postpartum self and give her a huge hug. In fact, I’ve done so in my mind many times. The themes I hear again and again from mothers with anxiety is there was so much they wish they knew before having children and how much they wished they asked for support sooner. I think that is true of most of my clients who struggle with anxiety, whether they’re parents or not. Our culture communicates to all of us that we’re expected to handle things alone. The message is if something doesn’t come to you naturally, you are the problem and not the lack of supports or the problematic systems around you. This message is especially loud when it comes to parenting. We were not meant to raise children in isolation. But our culture of disconnection often leads parents to feeling isolated and alone. So these are the messages that I hope all mothers and parents will take in when it comes to raising children and experiencing anxiety.

The stress and pressures of early parenthood is not meant to be experienced alone. If you are struggling with anxiety and need more support, you’re not alone.

There were so many struggles in early motherhood and postpartum that I was unprepared for and the themes that came out of that time continue to echo through my life now. Here’s what I wish I knew then and what I want all my clients who struggle with anxiety related to parenthood (or anxiety in general!) could understand right now:

1. You are not the only one struggling: I remember being terrified to go to my first mom group postpartum because I didn’t think I could make it through without crying. I felt ashamed that I felt so lost and overwhelmed. You know what? Every single mom in the group cried that day! I realized I was not alone. Postpartum can be an extremely emotional and tumultuous time as your hormones are adjusting and your body is healing from one of the most difficult physical and emotional times of your life. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and emotional, you’re not alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed 3 years postpartum, you’re not alone. It is normal and I would argue necessary to have support to have in the early years of parenthood and beyond. If you’re anxiety and depression are becoming too much to handle or causing you to doubt your own safety or the safety of your child, reach out for help.

2. It’s impossible to heal alone: that group became a lifeline and I’ve continued to realize again and again, when I’m struggling, I can’t do it alone. My shame tells me to isolate but I know deep down, reaching out is absolutely necessary. Again, our culture may communicate that parenting is supposed to be natural and easeful, but this is not the case. And we were never meant to parent in isolation. Find your people. Find your supports and engage with them in a way that works for you.

3. Self-compassion is key: Anxiety wants us to shame and berate ourselves into change. Whenever I’m overwhelmed, returning to self-compassion is the quickest pathway to finding relief. Notice your thought patterns and mindset. Are you approaching this monumental change in your life with gentleness towards yourself or harsh judgement. What if you made small shifts towards giving your self grace?

4. Asking for help shows strength: it is super scary to admit you’re struggling! Especially in a society that expects us all the be self-sufficient and independent. It’s an impossible standard. Saying, “I need help” in a world that screams “do it alone!” is incredibly strong.

5. People want to show up for others: one of my therapists once told me, people like helping others. It’s human nature. And people feel good when they’re able to make a positive difference in someone else’s life, especially if they’ve shared the same struggles. I’ve seen this especially among other parents. Parents who’ve been through this before know what the struggle is like and they don’t want to see other mothers handling alone. People want to show up for you, so let them.

Stress and anxiety related to parenting or postpartum can continue for years if not treated. There’s no time limit on receiving help. Every stage of parenthood requires community and support.

6. The pathway through is allowing emotions to surface: the more I put on a front that I’m fine and have it all handled, the more likely I will fall apart. Allow yourself to fall apart (in a safe space) so you can get to the core of what’s really going on for you. If you need more support in falling apart and bringing yourself back together, seek the support of a therapist.

7. You are more than enough: the fact that you care so deeply shows you have all you need to get through this. Everything you need to show up and move forward is within you. It may not feel like it, but you have what you need to get through this time. The key is knowing when to seek extra help. The time to seek help is before you reach a breaking point. So listen to that small voice inside of you that says “I can do this” and “it’s okay for me to ask for help.”

If you live in Massachusetts or Berkshire County and are looking for a therapist to help with your anxiety, trauma, or parenting stress, reach out to me today to schedule a free consulation.