Is Anxiety Ruining Your Relationship? Tips From a Therapist on How to Change This
As a therapist, I've seen firsthand how anxiety can wreak havoc on relationships. When you're feeling anxious, it can feel impossible to be present and engaged with your partner. It can mess with your ability to communicate, make you paranoid about your partner's intentions, and leave you feeling like a big ball of insecurity. Thankfully, there are solutions. You don’t have to keep struggling. In this post, I'll share how anxiety might show up in your relationship and give you some tips to keep you feeling confident and connected with your partner.
Symptoms of Anxiety and Your Relationship
Lack of Communication
Do you find yourself having the same arguments over and over? Or do you keep all your emotions to yourself because you try to always please your partner, no matter what? These behaviors might be coming from your anxiety. You might clam up, avoid certain topics, or even lash out in frustration. This lack of communication can leave your partner feeling shut out or confused, leading to more tension in the relationship. There are ways to improve communication and get on the same page with your partner, even when anxiety is in the mix.
Need for Reassurance
You might feel like you need constant reassurance from your partner that everything is okay, or you might worry that they're going to leave you high and dry. These feelings can stem from different attachment styles, like anxious attachment, which can make it hard to trust that your partner is there for you. By recognizing these patterns and working on ways to meet your own needs for reassurance and comfort, you can feel more confident in your relationship and reduce the need for constant reassurance.
Physical Symptoms
Do you ever feel like you can’t think straight when you’re in an argument with your partner and nothing you say makes sense? Your heart is racing, your muscles get tense, and you feel like you can’t breath. This means you’re going into the fight or flight response. The fight or flight response is a natural physiological response that occurs when a person feels threatened or in danger. This state can often come up when we’re in conflict with our partner, which can make us subconsciously feel unsafe. Our partner is the person we most want acceptance and love from, so when that’s threatened, we can have a survival-like response. This is especially true if you have anxiety. You might find yourself becoming defensive or shutting down, which makes it impossible to hear and take in what your partner is trying to say. It’s important to recognize when you’re in the state and find ways to manage these symptoms so you can be more present and communicate more effectively.
How to Fix Anxiety in Your Relationship
So if you know anxiety is impacting your relationship, what steps can you take to fix this? Here are some ideas to start with to help you become more aware of yourself, your anxiety, and ways to help you feel grounded and calm with your partner.
Understand Your Triggers and Practice Self-Care:
Reflect back on times you’ve felt most anxious. What were the commonalities? What set you off? What emotions were triggered in those moments? What behaviors from your partner tend to trigger your anxiety?
Once you understand your triggers, you can work on developing coping strategies and self-care practices to help manage your anxiety in those moments. This might include things like deep breathing exercises, meditation, taking a break to go for a walk, or talking to a trusted friend or therapist.
By taking care of yourself and managing your anxiety, you can show up as your best self in your relationship and build a stronger, more secure connection with your partner.
Practice Open Communication
Be honest and transparent with yourself and your partner about your feelings and needs, even when it's uncomfortable or difficult to do so.
Listen actively to your partner and try to understand their perspective, even if you don't agree with them.
Practice communicating in a respectful and non-judgmental way, using "I" statements instead of "you" statements to avoid putting your partner on the defensive.
Be Patient
Recognize that managing anxiety takes time and effort, and be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through challenges together.
Avoid placing blame or getting defensive when issues arise, and instead focus on finding solutions and supporting each other.
Celebrate progress and small victories along the way, even if things aren't perfect. Remember that every step forward is a step in the right direction.
Seek out professional help
If your anxiety is causing problems in your relationship, it might be time to reach out to a therapist for help. This is especially true if you're feeling "stuck" in the same patterns of behavior or struggling to communicate effectively with your partner.
Some signs that it's time to seek professional help might include feeling overwhelmed by your anxiety, experiencing frequent panic attacks, or struggling to manage day-to-day tasks because of your symptoms.
Working with a therapist can help you identify the underlying issues that are causing problems in your relationship, develop strategies to manage your anxiety more effectively, and improve your communication and trust with your partner. With a little help and guidance, you can move past your anxiety and build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety can have a significant impact on your relationship, but it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker. By practicing open communication, seeking professional help, practicing self-care, and being patient, you can work through your anxiety and improve your relationship. Remember, it's essential to take care of yourself first so that you can be present and available for your partner. If you need more support in overcoming your anxiety and improving your relationships, reach out to me to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. I would love to help you find more peace and confidence in yourself and your relationships.
