What if I Can’t Feel My Feelings: Tools For Nervous System Regulation

You may have heard you need to “feel your feelings” in order to overcome anxiety or depression or to process trauma. But what if your feelings feel too overwhelming? For many people the idea of feeling their emotions is terrifying. Perhaps you’re flooded with too many emotions at once and the sensations become too much to manage. 

You may feel:

• Jittery or panicky 

• Heart racing

• Tense, tight muscles

• Feeling on edge or like you want to jump out of your skin. 

If you’re feeling this way, it makes sense that you’d want to avoid tuning in to your body and emotions. If this is often how you feel in the morning, you can also check out my blog on coping with morning anxiety. 

The name for this state of your autonomic nervous system (ANS) is hyperarousal. It is also called the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Our bodies shift into the state based on a perception of threat. Even though we know, consciously, that algebra exam or the fight with our boyfriend is not going to harm us physically, our emotional responses can trigger a sense of fear or danger and respond with physical symptoms.

This response is designed to protect us and keep us safe from danger and prepare us to run or fight. As a result, the part of our brains responsible for problem-solving and logic, the prefrontal cortex, shuts off and the survival part of our brain, the amygdala, turns on and starts to pump stress hormones through our body, preparing you to run, fight, or freeze. This is what happens when we experience anxiety or our body is triggered by trauma, a traumatic memory or an association with a traumatic experience. Asking you to connect with your emotions when you’re in the state would be counterproductive and could cause more harm.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, when our emotions are too overwhelming, we may enter into a more exhausted, collapsed, limp, or even numb state referred to as hypoarousal. 

In hypoarousal, you experience:

• Physical exhaustion

• Feeling numb

• An urge to withdraw

• Disconnection from yourself and the world around you

This state can occur for the same reason as hyperarousal. If an experience is too much, too soon, or too fast, our autonomic nervous system can become overwhelmed and respond by shutting down as a form of protection. It can happen as the result of trauma or when we experience depression. 

When your body is in this state of overwhelm or collapse, it’s  impossible to connect with your emotions in a way that feels safe and accessible. This is why, in order to begin working with connecting to our emotions in our bodies, we have to first learn how to get our bodies into a more regulated state or what is referred to in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy as the optimal ANS arousal zone. 

We want to feel just enough activation in our bodies so we can connect with emotions and sensations, though not so much that we feel flooded or shut down.  The term to describe this state is also called being within the “Window of Tolerance”

So how do we get into this state? How do we get ourselves to a point where we feel just enough, but not too much. If you find yourself either too overwhelmed or feeling numb and disconnected, here are some tips to help you find more balance and connect with your emotions more clearly. 

Skills for Hyperarousal:

Breath: 

Breath can be one of the easiest and quickest ways to regulate your nervous system. Focus on taking in breath through your nose, expanding your belly. See if you can allow your exhale and inhale to be the same length. Often when we’re in a state of hyperarousal, we are breathing out more than breathing in and getting less oxygen. If it’s difficult to relax your stomach to allow in breath, lie down on the floor, placing one hand on your stomach. See if you can watch your hand rise and fall as your belly fills and empties the breath. 
Grounding: 

For some, focusing on the breath can be too overwhelming. If this is the case for you, try grounding strategies. Start with simply focusing on your feet. Feel the sensation of pressing your feet into the ground. Lift and lower your toes, feeling them spread and soften. Sense your heels grounding into the floor. Notice how the rest of your body feels as your ground yourself. 

Movement:

Sometimes allowing your body to move in order to release built up energy can help regulate hyperarousal. Try shaking, bouncing, reaching and pulling in. You can also try brisk exercise. Take a walk or run or turn on music that makes you want to dance and move in whatever way feels good to your body. After this feeling of release, you can transition to slower, more grounding movements like yoga or mindfully stretching. 

Skills for Hypoarousal:

Use your senses:

Tune in to your senses: touch, smell, taste, sight and hearing. Take a moment to notice and name things from each of your 5 senses. You can experiment with what sense helps you feel your body come more alive. Maybe it’s a strong taste like peppermint or ginger. Or it could be going outside and sensing the warmth of the sun or the cool air. You can also try turning on music you enjoy and noticing each instrument or voice as it comes in and out. 

Practice lengthening:

Another way to bring your body into more of an alert and aware state is to practice lengthening your spine. You can try this while standing or lying down. Lengthen your spine upwards, feeling it through the crown of your head. Take a moment to notice how it feels. Notice any changes in sensations and take in for a few moments. 

Engage your muscles:

To awaken your proprioceptive senses, or how your body senses where you are in space, try activities that use your muscles. This can be anything that engages the muscles, such as push ups or pushing on a wall, jumping, squeezing a stress ball or giving yourself or someone else strong, firm hugs. 

Practicing these skills on your own can be challenging. Building a relationship with a therapist who can help you discover the resources and skills that work best for you can be extremely helpful. If you would like help overcoming anxiety, depression, or healing trauma, reach out to me to schedule a free consultation.